migblog

today's first motivation: work.

today's second motivation: watching a sixth-grader spell some word i haven't even heard perfectly on the today show this morning, defeating me that early.

today's third motivation: waiting to see final grades, because that would really suck if i didn't get out of academic probation.

finally, motivation number four: at least i know that "catorce" isn't four, because u2 thinks so. ergo, miguel = smarter than u2.

man, i need to seriously get motivated.

posted by Open Source Food @ 10:56 AM 3 comments

berkeley should change its motto from "fiat lux" to "where your best is never good enough."

i always feel like that when it comes time for midterms and papers. i feel like i'm putting out my best effort, and i feel good after taking tests, but when the grade comes back for the project i just feel defeated. it's like i was the average student all along, though in high school i was in the group of five kids who always finished tests first or always got good grades on papers. it's different, though, because now i'm in a sea of people who come from that very same background, and they're all probably kicking my ass concerning all they do is study.

i try to have a life. is that tantamount to getting really bad grades? or sacrificing being social to earn a grade that was probable mediocre in the first place?

i hate being the mediocre one in class. i hate being not motivated in class, when i feel the crossword is more important than the day's lesson. i hate it, because i feel like i'm wasting my time in something i don't really love.

so what do i do?

i feel so icky.

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:29 PM 0 comments

"so let go, just get in -- it's so amazing
it's all right cos there's beauty in the breakdown"

it's true. there is something left to be said when you think you're slipping ever further away from the things you find yourself doing everyday, and all of a sudden you realize that wait, what i'm doing is worth something, and goddammit, i'm going to finish whatever it is i started.

the thursday of no class is lending itself well to this train of thought. workers here at cal are on strike, protesting about their wages not being able to support their families. the students are all happy that there's no class, but a lot of them seem to be missing the point that the reason why they're not in class today is due to the efforts of these people trying to get their voices heard. (apathy at berkeley? it happens.)

somehow, though, i can't grasp this pressing concept of time and space, that instruction ends in less than a month and i desperately need to catch up. i register for classes tomorrow, and seeing my schedule for it makes me want to hurl a little bit because everything's just a little more tentative than what it has been in the past. even thinking about it makes me a little queasy.

so what am i going to do with a day that was reserved for class and more class? i'm going to relax the shit out of this day. so relaxed, it's busy, but so busy, it goes back to being relaxed.

see? i've got you confused already.

so drink up, baby down! (hearting frou frou if you couldn't tell.)

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:01 PM 0 comments

some people really just need to chill the fuck out. i know it's intimidating and everything, berkeley, but damn, chill out! one day of hectic frenzy does not amount to the years you've spent being here. and if you wonder why people around you mock you and criticize you, grow some balls and deal with it. like, seriously deal with it, don't just brush it off as "it's just another slap to the face thanks a lot guys boo hoo i'm going to kill myself" bullshit. i've had it with this kind of mentality -- and mind you, i'm not just talking about one person -- but goddamn it, if you're not realizing what a fucking cockout it is the way you talk about being here, then don't be here!

on another note, the weather sucks. i'm sure it probably doesn't suck as to, say, boston a couple days ago, but it's on-and-off nice-not-nice alternation here. suffice it to say i could have been in shorts and a parka today, and no, i'm not exaggerating. there was one point in the day when the rain was horizontal (compared to one day last week when it hailed for a few hours), and then, twenty minutes later, sunshine and rainbows like a motherfucking lucky charms ad.

i woke up yesterday with a beautifully sore throat (just in time for a vocal audition, yay). i've been on sore throat spray and water, so hopefully soon i'll be better.

the thing that gets me the most is that one of my big papers is due on tuesday; and unlike other people in the class who have been diligently working and researching their topics, interviewing their folks and attending office hours, i have been sitting on my ass, watching tv or downloading something on itunes because as much as i'd like to care, i don't, and i think that's really really sad. tuesday, folks. four days. come to think of it, less than; but do i really want to work that hard during a weekend that looks like one of the funnest i'll never get to experience?

the mac i have at home is working beautifully. no crashing, no problems, and lots of disk space. but one my beauty of an external hard drive comes in (read: 250 GB), i will be so ridiculously happy and content with the amount of stuff i can put on my computer. yay macintosh. yay simplicity. and yes, i have to say, i'm convinced that it's one of the best things to happen to my computing life.

on yet another note, looking at site stats, there's been this recurring search result from trondheim, norway; i think that's rather odd yet somehow cool. tor (yes, THE tor, ie. chappy's roommate) hails from the city (tor heine traeland, to be exact; if any of you norwegians read this and know tor, holla back); also, chappy was there for a while when he lived in norway. coincidence? probably. cool? the fuck yeah.

as for the pope's death, i actually did feel a lot sad when they finally announced the news. i remember seeing the pope when he was in manila for the 10th world youth day; there was a magnificent crowd when he held mass and i remember getting communion among thousands of people singing praise to the pope. he's a cool guy. and what makes him even better is what he did for this church: he asked for forgiveness from the crusades, from jews (for blaming that they killed jesus when jesus himself was a jew), from islam, from science (galileo being one of the most prominent figures in church history)... he revolutionized the way roman catholics see the church, and i highly appreciate him for that.

speaking of which, i felt like i went to mass for the first time in a long time when i viewed the requiem mass on tv this morning. it felt odd to remember all the little quirks, like what to say after transubstanciation, what to sing during the litany of saints, and when exactly to nod your head in reverence and respect. it felt right, and i felt good. like lewis black says, man needs a ritual, and i think going to church when i was young helped reinforce that.

sigh. sorry for the long-ish update. congratulations for making it this far.

and now, more procrastination.

posted by Open Source Food @ 5:11 PM 1 comments

i just really abhor the feeling of being on the verge of getting sick. it always happens at the most inopportune times, and i'm left fending for myself with five doses of dayquil / nyquil / supertussin in my backpack. if i show my stash to you, you'd think i were addicted.

it's been intermittent, though; i'm just a little paranoid because my papers are all due and i have to pull more than a couple of all-nighters to get me past the hump. and no, with a bad throat and a bad sinus, i don't think i'll be able to get through it.

this is my thirty-two pages of validation.

spring break, besides the north bay tour, was uneventful. a few days were marked by rain which equalled my not wanting to do much, and a few days were spent literally just walking around the bay area, whether in san francisco, oakland, or getting off at a random bart station and going somewhere.

getting back into the swing of things was much harder this year. i couldn't concentrate on anything any of my professors were talking about, save for when our group project for transportation was due, in which case i was on double espressos for three days straight.

it's almost time for the school year to end, and i think everyone's getting a taste of it because of their clamors for summer vacation and how everyone's weekends begin to look like previews of their summer exploits.

pooped out.

posted by Open Source Food @ 11:03 AM 0 comments