migblog

should i worry, or should i not worry?

it's almost as if that's the question every other day, though. and from things ranging from worrying about going to class or the coming of the next semester to the ukrainian election process to lolla-fallujah, it's just feeling like it's something silly.

and happy birthday to my baby.

posted by Open Source Food @ 1:20 AM 0 comments

it's kind of nice, and then kind of not nice, to not be with your family during thanksgiving weekend.

i simply realized this morning that i wouldn't be doing the usual day-after-thanksgiving festivities with my relatives, eating the leftover turkey or shopping at some store where everything's going for a ridiculous sale price or not wanting to get up since yet another dog show is on the air.

i also realized that during major holidays like this one, no one's out on the streets. i could literally walk down the busiest intersection of the city and not have to be worried about getting struck by a car or getting flagged down by a cop, because everyone's at their respective homes, stuffing themselves with mashed potatoes and stuffing and passing out thanks to a tryptophan coma.

there was a point in the day, during lunch, where i kind of depressed the people around me when i told them about the further dysfunctions of the family, because i hate the fact that my brother hates my dad and my brother hates my dad's side of the family and that i feel used because they're all using me as pawns to get themselves further in the game. i hate the fact that i don't know my father's re-established family all that well, nor do i care much for the re-established family that my mother has.

and i hate that, since this is supposed to be the time when all those stupid family egregiousnesses aren't supposed to account for anything because that's simply it: you're family, you're supposed to care for each other no matter what, to love each other unconditionally, to have an unspoken bond despite all the differences we all may have. i'm slowly starting to feel some sort of nostalgia, day by day, growing more and more anxious as the countdown to christmas begins. (or, according to all those virgin mobile ads say, "christmahanukwanzaakah." in reality, though, mikey and i came up with that holiday in like tenth grade, only we never made it public. so now i'm partly pissed that virgin mobile sold our idea to the nation.)

an even sadder thing is i can't do much about how my relatives feel about each other -- everyone hates aunt rita, for example, but let's not get into that just yet -- so it's even more pathetic and helpless when i'm sitting here talking about my dad or my brother when my brother's in chicago, my mom's in anaheim, and my dad's in the philippines. (i don't even know my dad's phone number nor his address or anything like that. and it's sad, because i miss him a lot, but it's also sad since the last time i really ever wrote him back was junior year of high school, and i don't even remember what i said in that letter.)

albeit the depressing factor that i laid upon the friends i have (the family i have, to be more relevant) here, it's nice to be actually with them during thanksgiving, not really caring about a full turkey dinner or anything like that. we're making italian food, no joke, and we're going to have fun while we're doing it.

i've made a ton of phone calls, sent out a bunch of emails, and i still feel a little unfulfilled because my immediate family is partially nowhere in sight (if that makes any sense to anyone). but for now, i'm in a limbo of contentment, waiting until the next day comes so i can figure out what the fuck i'm doing for the rest of friday and saturday and sunday so that i'm not floundering around waiting for things to happen.

you all have a great, wonderful, marvelous, memorable, and most of all, happy thanksgiving.

posted by Open Source Food @ 3:45 PM 0 comments

three for three, baby, three for three!

we won against the farm three years in a row, something that hasn't happened to the tune of something about 44 years. we're this much closer to going to the rose bowl, something that hasn't happened in close to 50 years. and we haven't beat out stanfurd by this much since 70 years.

we're part of history, folks.

not to mention that the halftime performance was absolutely fantastic. when bob started dancing, when the dance team was out, when kate the mike-chick and zach in his drum major uniform started grooving, when there was a buttdance, when we shook it like a polaroid picture, when we danced to toxic, the crowd went nuts. (and that's a lot of times when they went nuts.) it was one of the loudest "cal band great!" yells i'd ever heard, and i was so proud.

i remembered, despite all the drama and bullshit of the past semester, that this is why i do it, why i get in a crazy uniform every home game and sweat pounds off of me. over 70,000 people were cheering for us, and it was the greatest response i'd ever heard from an audience so receptive.

after the game, i received so many compliments from many different people, old and young alike, telling us we blew the stanfurd band out of the water. on the way of blowouts, it was a fantastic game. 41-6, and the axe is in berkeley for another year.

i just got off of work, and i'm trying my darndest to relax. but i'm still giddy, despite being sore and exhausted, despite being mentally and emotionally drained, despite being tired and exhilarated all at the same time.

the city of berkeley glowed blue and gold last night, and it felt amazing.

go bears.

posted by Open Source Food @ 2:43 PM 0 comments

and so it begins, the madness that doesn't stop.

i've been so tired recently, and it's all entirely due to my stretching myself out so thin to cover everything i'm involved with. the band's going nuts (it's like taking band midterms!), both the mags are in full swing with their last issues of the semester, work is starting to pile up, and i'm missing class like here and there and a little bit more here than there.

yesterday, momo's. lots of free food, lots of free beer. today, so much class, and then, big freeze.

i saw us lose big freeze. and we never lose big freeze.

after big freeze, we're guarding (in the midst of that right now), which means staying up until forever because we can on campus property. after that, there's some day buses we go to, and then a rehearsal, and then full band performances throughout the bay area leading up to 6 am on saturday for the game. after the game, i'm headed to a party at the cronk's (the former owners of dreyer's ice cream), and then the very next day i have to work. the very next day, there's a project i work on. and the day after that, there's a research paper i have to turn in.

if you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry. i'll be back, i just don't know quite when.

maybe it's a different feeling since to me, it doesn't even feel like big game week (i'm so fucking jaded it's scaring me). it hasn't really hit me yet, but honestly, i don't think i would want it to. if and when it does, i'll implode.

that said, the implosion would probably look very pretty.

pretty disgusting.

posted by Open Source Food @ 1:11 AM 0 comments

it's big game week already?!?

considering how i was just in seattle this past weekend, and how i've been so tired waking up at around noon the past few days, it's no wonder i'm surprised and somewhat worried about staying up and doing all the fun band things i'm supposed to do. "no sleep til big game" equals "no sleep since last week" and that's no fun.

we left for seattle around friday afternoon, and we decided to tour downtown as soon as we got settled into our rooms. the emerald city is one amazing place. and the university was pretty awesome, too.

after a rout of the huskies for one more year, we all decided to party it up with the u-dub band, replete with cosmos, sex on the beach, some good ol' miller, and the special. along with the drinks came a dj, a group of about twelve random mexicans, and people who knew daisuke and matt gratt. ling and i were, at one point in time, so drunk that we decided that the best course of action during the evening was smell noah and buy him dinner.

it was one of the best roadtrips i've ever gone on.

and almost as soon as i got back i got a chance to watch wilco at the paramount theatre in oakland with some friends. it was great -- the band was amazing, and the ambient air of marijuana smoke was good enough to give everyone in the theatre at least a contact high. jeff tweedy rocked the shit out of that venue. and to end a show with "don't fear the reaper" with of course, the cowbell, was just pure genius.

and so, since then, i've been sore and have had nothing to do except homework and laundry, defiant of any other extraneous duties like eating real food or running errands that would probably be more useful.

so far, i'm good.

no sleep? ha!

posted by Open Source Food @ 1:32 PM 0 comments

so there's this thing called ex-comm and i wrote a letter for it and we'll see how it goes pretty soon.

these next few weeks are gonna be pretty interesting.

posted by Open Source Food @ 7:39 PM 0 comments

i have a feeling you know exactly what i'm talking about when i say everything's starting to blur together, and that magical glue that holds it all there is this thing we all hate called stress.

i'm probably going to do very, very horribly in my linguistics midterm tomorrow -- i haven't been to class in a week and a half, and the material's not getting any easier. on top of that, there's a homework assignment due in lab next week, and there's a final project and a research paper due in two weeks that i'm just dying to avoid, but can't.

alongside the academic duties, there's layout for the magazine, and there's this great thing called high school band day that pits the cal band with 2000 other high school students during one of our home games. mind you, not only are we all swamped with logistical nightmares, but we're also trying to desperately learn an "easy" one-week show that otherwise would fall apart. (it didn't help that it rained yesterday and today.)

i'm kind of glad, though, that i'm starting to feel that temperature right when i know i'm cooking. i am a great worker under huge amounts of pressure, and nothing says pressure better than t-minus three weeks and counting for everything that's eventual insanity.

the big game against stanfurd is coming up soon, which means i'll be in seattle the week before, working on the research paper due later that week for city and regional planning. i've made it easier on myself (my paper topic is "corporations and public opinion on film: globalized markets") because all my research is in four movies that riles up every liberal i know: fahrenheit 9/11, the corporation, yes men, and roger and me. it should provide for an awesome couple of days when i finish up my "research" and probably cap it off with an "i hate the republican agenda so go watch outfoxed and fuck some ann coulter shit up" paragraph in my paper.

on the subject of the republican agenda, while we're at it, i'm thoroughly disappointed by the election results, and it's not exactly like i can go do something about it by myself -- i'm going to have to grin and bear it for the next four years.

i've heard not just from david letterman but also from a number of people who have suggested the secession of the blue states in the electoral map to canada. and in every case, there was nervous laughter, and a hint of seriousness. if you look at it all, the democratic states all ended up on the west coast (washington, oregon, california and hawaii), new england, and the lake states (except for ohio <-- fucking dicks! and indiana).

it says something when the capital of the country decides to vote 91% against the incumbent president.

there were so many of us so dejected after the results were in. i remember people calling at four in the morning, screaming, crying. i saw people almost wanting to rip their hair out when florida went to the red side. and definitely much, much more when john kerry went ahead with his concession speech, obviously trying to hold it back.

watch me get persecuted for this when another revised version of the patriot act comes around.

i think it's pretty funny that people in middle america are more afraid of butt sex than they are with the loss of social security and health care, terrorism, and how the world-at-large views us as a country.

now that eleven states have banned same-sex marriages, it's kind of appaling to know that sexual orientation is still a giant factor in everyday life in america. but i think it gives us hope, the young people of today, the ones who grew up watching the power rangers defend the rights of everyone in angel grove, the ones who grew up singing along to rocko's modern life, the ones who idealistically registered to vote as soon as we had the chance, the ones who decided that we won't let our voices be silenced, the ones who know in the back of our minds that we can change things if we just plan accordingly, it gives us hope that we know we have an america we can look forward to where nothing's an issue, from sex to race to religion to sexual orientation to anything we put ourselves to.

there's still hope. it just sucks that it's four years away.

and with that, ladies and gentlemen, your president you finally elected.

posted by Open Source Food @ 6:41 PM 0 comments

i just feel defeated after watching cnn and the states are all red.

knowing which school i go to, i hate red.

sigh. hopefully this time tomorrow someone else will be leading the country.

at least the men's basketball team won.

posted by Open Source Food @ 9:36 PM 0 comments

there's a different feeling in the air, and i think the time change had a little something to do with it.

after yet another historic cal football game (read: first night game ever in memorial stadium, shutout of the arizona schools, the first appearance of sequential shutouts since 1968 and j.j. arrington's seventh game running for over 100 yards), i just crashed home, since the combination of the cold night air, the exciting game, and hunger struck me all at once.

once i got back home, i ate, and i slept.

and then on sunday morning, the sun rose, and it felt like eleven but the clocks all read ten. and it was glorious. the extra hour, despite coming out of nowhere, was a pleasant reminder of all things archaic when the economy still depended on railroad schedules and agriculture, but was deeply welcomed.

there was lunch at la note, and then watching the grudge (think ju-on but with white people), and then renting the control room dvd and watching that. a heavy dose of liberalism? of course. and what happens after that? chinese food!

basically, my halloween was spent laughing at the costumes people wore while i got mindfucked by that sarah michelle gellar movie. the crazy part? all the white people die. and only one asian did.

in other news, i forgot to talk about how al gore was on campus on the 26th (yes, that al gore). he spoke in wheeler auditorium, and from what i heard, it was pretty awesome.

the next three weeks ought to be interesting: my research paper is due in three weeks, my language project due the same week, and my essays due.

mind you, one week of that is chaos with band because of the imminent big game against stanfurd.

sigh. i need to get things done, and i need to get things done now.

yay november! (despite sounding rather cynical, i actually am happy that november's here. go bears.)

woop.

posted by Open Source Food @ 8:46 PM 0 comments