migblog

one more quick update: this blog will go through a major facelift. i'm kinda getting bored of this template (actually, it's been bothering me for the past month now), so expect to see something fun and "fresh" that will hopefully stay on the site for a while. if you like it, lemme know, if you don't, lemme know. it's actually kinda fun working on templates.

go bears, beat the midterms. in the meantime, enjoy the antics of crazy oklahomans. i can't believe it either.

posted by Open Source Food @ 5:29 PM 0 comments

it's funny what a month can do to you. it seems so short, and in the grand scheme of things, it's really a short period of time, but when you think about it, a month can be life-changing. that's the cliché word of the month i'm using. it's true.

february ended so horribly for me. in short, february was four weeks of stupid crap i should never have paid attention to, let alone give in to so many things that i would later regret. i didn't like february all that much. the only thing i remember was smiling during valentine's day, and that was the only time i ever really smiled because i felt good about everything. then a few days later, everything returned back to "normal," where you would usually find me alone and lonely and disjointed from the rest of the world, moreso than usual. i talked about wanting to die. now that i look back at it, it felt so stupid and selfish to want something like that... but in the end of it all, there were people who stood by me steadfast, all of whom helped me out a lot.

and now, it's the end of march, and it's been such a crazy trip. the beginning of march made me realize that things could only get better, and that things are only going to get more and more absurd by the time i'm out of this institution. i was having a great time -- i still am, mind you -- with new people, new things happening. it was like that feeling of the first day of school or that one time mid-semester when i fell in love with this campus. everything was going just right, with school and with friends and with people and with life in general.

the road trips were awesome. los angeles was a nice reminder of home, considering the day we got there was my mother's birthday. it was nice to celebrate it with family. the rest of the time was a different story: everyone prettty much got drunk the first night we were there, then stanfurd band came to party the next night, then u$c sucks ass... it was an amazing time, with a nice big chunk of us getting to know each other that much better. it was kinda weird hanging out with mostly fourth years, but it gave me a new viewpoint to work with, that i'm gonna have fun with people i know aren't going to be here next year. it's kinda sad to think about it like that, but you just have to accept that fact.

oklahoma was... well, read below. suffice to say oklahoma city wasn't as fun as los angeles, but there were still good times.

and then, spring break. nobody ever told me that spring break could be so monotonous... it had its high points, like going to san francisco to meet up with old friends, or hanging out with kim for a day, or going to that one house in rockridge for a nice little get-together (i, in fact, was the youngest one there), or spending time with that one person... then there was the rest of it all, like waiting for something to happen or moving stuff in the room to make way for the new windows being installed, and dawdling in the room until i got bored out of my mind. i can honestly say that i've read every magazine in the living room downstairs, including ladies home journal and cosmopolitan. you never really realize how ingenious you can be until you're bored to death. i wrote so much in my journal.

now, it's sunday, and i'm just pretty much waiting for my laundry to get done. i've studied my butt off, i've practiced here and there, and school is a mere twenty-four hours away. my two other roommates should be getting back soon. i still need to plan what i'm going to do tomorrow, since i have a presentation on friday and a midterm to take this coming week. when i said things could only get better, they did, and i'm really glad that march turned out to be one of the most awesome months i've lived so far during my college career (all one and a half semesters of it!).

march was fun. now april... busy, busy april... let's hope it stays.

posted by Open Source Food @ 11:26 AM 0 comments

first off, i am so happy to be back in california.

second off, i am so happy to be in college.

third off, i am so happy to be an american, but so ashamed of the actions of the leader of my country.

finally, i am so happy to be in berkeley for spring break.

getting back from oklahoma city that saturday night was such a trip. we all wanted to forget the loss, we all wanted to forget the boredom, we all wanted to forget the horrible time spent at the god-awful waterford marriott where the walls were paper-thin and the management was stupider than a retarded cow, we all wanted to forget the expensive cab rides to everywhere, we all wanted to forget oklahoma city altogether. that might explain why on the charter flight back people were more than eager to release their aggressions on each other. i must admit, though, that pillow fights, dance parties, and ass-grabbing at the back of the plane is more fun than five days in oklahoma. there was about a good seven hours i spent having fun in oklahoma -- a couple with friends, a couple seeing those awesome dachsunds at the world of wings pigeon center, a couple hanging out and making do with what you had. the rest of the time, well, let's just say that was sub-par.

i visited my old high school band yesterday as they were on their trip to san francisco. i came to see old friends and reminisce about good times. it was an amazing experience, and i was so glad to have seen those guys before they moved on with the rest of their high school careers. some of those sights were especially unexpected and great -- seeing andrea, seeing erica, seeing jenpen, seeing jay, seeing nick, seeing felicia, seeing joe, seeing kody. i had such a blast with those guys, up until a cloud cast over the air when a certain someone began to spread rumors of someone else celebrating as she wallowed in her own misery. and then, apparently, things turned around and ended up biting her in the ass -- something she knew was coming but was totally unprepared for when it happened. i didn't know that a simple visit to say hello and catch up with some people would end up turning that band trip into a nightmare. i ended up saying hello to the people i cared for most, and they wanted to say hello to me because they wanted to actively seek a healthy relationship. i already did my half of the bargain showing up. the other half would amount to you coming up to me and saying hi. i already made the effort, but when she consciously knew to avoid me, well, then, that's her loss.

and the one thing i hate about it is her pulling other people into this mess. felicia, for one, didn't know what to think when she was given a one-sided view rather than the whole argument. tyler is so confused since he doesn't know who and what to believe. ross is hurt since she spread some things about him that were untrue. and now, her closest circle of friends is distrusting her, not knowing whether to believe her or not, waiting to see if she would stab anyone else in the back before they do anything else. and she can't handle it, since everything had gone her way before and had worked out the way she wanted things to work out. there's a line between being determined and being selfish, and she stepped over that line too many times for her own good. and the sad thing is, people let it happen since they like her too much, and that she held some sort of power position, enough so much to scare them into following her. they like her way too much to say anything, to say something critical that might make her tick. she knows it, and she can't handle herself doing it.

all i really wanted was to say hi, and that if she were there, i would have extended the same cordiality that i had been presenting to everyone else. but the fact of the matter is she wasn't, that she avoided me out of her own will, and that she didn't want to reconcile anything that had been floating up in the air. as far as things go for me, those things have dropped. it doesn't matter anymore. i'm happy now, and that's all that matters to me.

that awful war going on half a world away is scaring me. bombs are going off, people are dying, ideals are being compromised for ulterior motives. i feel kinda cheated that the president just went ahead and decided to declare such an act to start something that i have a feeling we cannot finish. that he went ahead and did it out of his own will, that the rest of the world wasn't in favor of it. in this matter, what was right was what was popular, and the president, in declaring war, gave america such a bad name. don't get me wrong, i'm proud to be an american, but i am ashamed of the actions that the leader of my country has taken. everyone should have felt underrepresented when he began the ultimatum. hell, everyone should have felt underrepresented when the votes tallied up to his garnering the presidency, but we all just let that slide. now, though, he's gone too far trying to solve this economic problem that the country has by going to war.

spring break started two days ago. as for my plans, well, i'm going to stay here in berkeley. i didn't want to deal with stuff back home, and then to come back and get the high school thing thrown in my face again. i was more than happy to plan my week in berkeley and the bay area. there's so much to do here, so many things to do that i haven't done, so many things to try, to finish, to start, to enjoy. i love this place, the bay area, and all the little quirks and eccentricities that come along with it. i'll probably end up doing some work, but i'm going to take a break and enjoy myself for the next few days. i deserve it.

let the madness begin.

posted by Open Source Food @ 10:45 AM 0 comments

so, yeah, i'm in oklahoma and only a few hours ago did our country begin war with iraq.

now you're probably asking, "well... wait a second, miguel, what in all of god's great goodness are you doing in oklahoma? and how did you hear of the war from there, i thought they didn't have televisions in that godforsaken place!" to frankly answer those questions, i'm in oklahoma for round one of the men's division i ncaa basketball tournament, and i heard about the war from cnn. every channel you turned to, there was that footage of president bush addressing the nation for a second time declaring some sort of war against a tyrant that just wouldn't seem to want to give in to the ideal democratic principles. (although someone did say that a country with democratic principles would never start a war. never.)

and for the long version, well, here goes. our men's basketball team has done a marvelous job throughout the season, eventually garnering third place overall in pacific-10 conference play. in the pac-10 tournament, we were seeded third (just as the ranking suggested), defeating sixth-seeded oregon state only to lose to seventh-seeded usc (sucks). no matter, usc was undermined by fifth-seeded oregon (who automatically gets a berth in the ncaa tournament). now, since all of that drama ensued, cal was then seeded eighth (yeah, we know, dumb) in the midwest conference, after anticipating either a weak sixth or a strong seventh seed from the selection committee. so now, the team is set to play ninth-seeded north carolina state in the first round (approximately nine hours from now), and assuming the best circumstances, cal would play sixteenth-seeded south carolina state in the next game. if not, we're facing first-seeded oklahoma in oklahoma. so how much does this suck for us? first, we're in okla-fucking-homa, and secondly, we're still in okla-fucking-homa despite the fact that we should have gone to boston in the first place. it sucks a lot since cal would end up facing oklahoma, who has a huge homecourt advantage.

as for the war thing, it's surreality all over again. about two years ago i remember waking up to my television and seeing the second plane collide into the world trade center building. a few months later, president bush declares an all out concerted effort to oust afghanistan of all taliban and its affiliations, and to uproot this regime of fear that osama bin laden had enslaved that poor nation in. now, a few hours ago, after not responding or even agreeing to the ultimatum, saddam hussein has urged the iraqi people to remain strong and willed in this time of crisis, to pray that god would protect them from the evildoers of this unholy crime. it was in the papers two days ago: forty-eight hours, or war. you could see the incredulous looks on everybody's faces (especially in berkeley!), and the global reaction was just as astounding. bush had pushed for people to support his war (yes, his war) ever since he declared the existence of such an axis of evil. britain, spain, and no more than a few handful of other countries have supported this strike on iraq. the united nations security council, the north american treaty organization, nor the european union have agreed as united bodies to lodge an attack towards iraq. just a few days later, however, we see the consequences that could happen. the air raid sirens in baghdad screamed, the turrets fired flak, and the united states forces moved ever closer to engulfing the region with more and more firepower if necessary.

we can only ask ourselves what next, and to hope for the better that nothing so severe should ever threaten our very way of life, of such americans. capitalistic as we might be, we make things work, and that's all that matters in a broken world that is constantly trying to mend itself back to normal. americans... what a concept, so different from each other, yet we coexist. or at the very least try to.

and i guess from this i can draw that my experiences today here in oklahoma city were driven by emotion and reaction. times have been tense, people have been edgy, and the road to many things not as smooth as we all expected. but then again, never had i felt so racial until there was the one girl, in her car, gave me the finger as she passed me by. i didn't know how to react. i was just waiting for a taxi. and the night before, when i was getting seated for dinner, i was very visibly wearing a berkeley sweatshirt (and of course, it's very obvious that i'm not from oklahoma) which illicited one lady to look at me, then look at her family, and give them a "well-that-explains-everything" look. after the girl gave me the finger today, i headed to the oklahoma city memorial for the alfred p. murrah building bombing of eight years ago. it was drizzling, and the overcast seemed to make the mood that much more somber. the field of empty chairs, the tree, the gates... and then, entering the museum and seein the lives changed forever by such a selfish act.

there was this one woman that was crying the entire time i was there, which made me want to almost give her a hug. there was something in that place that simply made me want to reflect on the better times i have, that i am still alive, that i am not fighting for my right to live the way i want to live my life. such a paradox, fighting for peace.

oklahoma's not that great. but you know, oklahoma in itself has a beautiful undertone -- however heavily subdued that might be -- that people are innately good, no matter how much they seem to hate you (yeah, i'm talking about the girl who flipped me off). whatever. people can think what they want, and as long as they don't impose anything on me, then you're good in my book.

for the basketball game tomorrow? go bears, beat the wolfpack.

as for the war?

we'll see.

posted by Open Source Food @ 1:00 AM 0 comments

i was perusing through some friends' blogs, and came across one entry from one of them that seemed deftly profound and relevant to this whole blogging thing. most everyone says it's a fad, that it's going to pass soon enough, just give it some time. although, you notice, that there doesn't seem to be any signs of stopping since people can post whatever the hell they want, and therefore express themselves in a manner they've never been able to before. like someone said, it's the prospect of being so public with your idea, but at the same time so private since who knows how they got to your website without even an inkling of a url or subject matter that's on it. you can't publicize your blog until, of course, you do some of the advertising yourself. you just hope that your readership out there, if there even is one, comes back enough to care about what you're doing.

it's tough, this writing thing. so public... thoughts can get so decimated so easily, and i guess writing them down is what keeps me in check, SANE, my way of venting to the psychologist that is the blogging editor. then i just hit the 'post and publish' button, and everything seems to go right, until people start reading and start giving me feedback. or lack thereof sometimes, but you know. i'm not writing to impress people, i'm writing because i like to write. but if it comes across sometimes that i am, then sorry, i can't help myself. i'm too much of a showman to not say i'm writing this out of sincere self-expression. there's the part of me that wants to be heard, that wants to be listened to.

so back to my friend's post, which said, "what if poets couldn't express themselves through writing? i'm sure they'll find other ways of expressing themselves." now, imagine that this entire world did not write. no newspapers, no alphabet, no nothing. if everything just happened to be aural and oral, how would poets express themselves then? sing? writers can't even exist, novels would be pointless, and blogs would be the downfall of society. if no one could write, and therefore express themselves in a manner that a part of the population can understand (which would, i guess, lead to the propagation of certain truths and ideas), this world would be so fucked up beyond belief, i wouldn't even know where to start.

then, i'm kinda glad about the fact that it's not like that at all, since, hell, i'm typing this post up for you all to read so that you know what goes on inside my head. some semblance of it, at least. and it's not much on the way of being poetic or persuasive, or even essayistic, but i try my best to communicate as effectively as i possibly can so that i don't go crazy talking to myself debating whether or not i should eat some ice cream or do my homework.

if poets couldn't write,
singers wouldn't sing,
music would fall deaf
to blind ears and deaf eyes.

if poets couldn't write,
hearers wouldn't listen,
kisses wouldn't be as sweet
as they are on loving lips.

if poets couldn't write,
dreamers wouldn't dream,
feeling grass between my toes
would never feel as good as now.

if poets couldn't write,
thinkers wouldn't think,
the sun on your face wouldn't be
as warm and friendly.

if poets couldn't write,
children wouldn't grow up,
the cold realization of life
wouldn't stare them in the eye.

if poets couldn't write,
lovers wouldn't love,
loneliness would permeate
every essence of their being.

if poets couldn't write,
the world would be so
s i l e n t
and so deafening.

but i'm glad that poets write.
they tend to set most things right.

posted by Open Source Food @ 8:34 PM 0 comments

so many people around me are giving up things for lent, it's crazy. i feel as if i should give something up just for the hell of it, even if i'm not at all that devout of a christian (let alone a catholic). but seriously though, forty days of not having something, and then to immediately get it thrown back in your face afterwards... story of my life, isn't it? only in this case, forty days was more like seven years, and it wasn't entirely voluntary. plus i gave up my mom, so that wasn't a great experience growing up. but i digress.

whenever i hear someone say "oh yeah i gave it up for lent," i commend them, no matter how silent i am in their presence. there's such a sacrifice you have to put up with during those forty days, and that's tough. i remember not watching television for forty days when i was seven. i almost died when i couldn't watch saturday morning cartoons. of course there are those of us who joke about lent -- "yeah, i gave up my morals for lent" or "i'm giving up my virginity for lent" -- but deep down, there's just something i can't fathom about giving something up for forty days. just imagine those people who have to sacrifice something every freaking day of their existence -- diabetics have their insulin shots, lactose intolerants can't drink milk, vegans don't even touch leather -- so what's the big deal about giving up a certain type of food or an experience (like, say, playing videogames or watching television or playing cards) when you can come back to it after nearly a month and a half?

it seems kinda silly to give something up knowing you can have it back again. if lent sacrifices were at all cumulative, imagine how many less christians in the world there would be. try something like, forty years without fancy clothes or fory years of no hair products, on top of thirty-nine years of celibacy and thirty-eight years of no makeup. the world would be so prudish, it's scary. but it's not gonna happen (thank god!) so no worries. i'm just saying -- if you can hold it off for forty days without even thinking baout it, good for you. you might even have phased it out of your lifestyle. but to come back to if afterwards after having gone so far... it's like a bad diet plan they sell on television on those infomercials, where you lose weight for two weeks and gain back double afterwards.

what exactly do you gain after a fast? self-respect? spiritual empowerment? or is it fair to say that it's purely for bragging rights, which would kinda defeat the purpose?

i think it's the fact that you're more secure than others about your faith, and if after all this sacrificing you find yourself a better person with a better understanding of yourself, that's what lent sacrifice is all about. don't misconstrue this as a "what the fuck are you doing wasting your time sacrificing shit for lent" rant -- it's quite the opposite. i find it a mentally and spiritually daunting task. i'm not partaking in it because i think otherwise, but if that's your boat, then that's great. it's really your call, religion.

and hi, 1509 grant.

posted by Open Source Food @ 3:42 PM 0 comments

now i won't try to be all deep or anything, but this week has seriously been so life-changing, it's amazing.

i've never felt like this before. trite as it may sound, it's such a new experience getting all wrapped up in this. the theme for the week was something along the lines of "oh my god" -- which sometimes can be a good thing, and in such a case as this one, it is -- which just, in my opinion, seems to epitomize the growing confusion and fun i'm having. i've surprised myself, even, on how i've been acting the past few days.

my head's telling me things i don't understand, and i like it. like what to do and how to act and what to say and when to say it... nobody knows what the fuck i'm talking about, and i know it might not be the greatest thing to not know (jacob, seriously, i'm sorry you felt that way) but i've probably told you twice that i'll tell you more when i'm ready. life-changing. you don't think it can happen until it happens to you, then no one believes you. the irony, eh... life throws us some curveballs we just can't avoid, the ones that matter the most. and when the realization hits us square between the eyes, there's really nothing else you can do about it but grin and bear it, or if you're a particularly optimistic person, you just smile and enjoy what's given to you. now it won't apply to things like losing a loved one or getting into an accident, but more of the serendipitous things that came along in the right place at the right time. like finding money under your bed or getting an unexpected kiss from someone you'd been dreaming about.

that's really the only thing i can say for now. just... cherish the fact that i'm smiling again. it feels good to smile. this might start a trend of me smiling a lot more than usual. and as you know, smiling is never a bad thing.

posted by Open Source Food @ 4:02 PM 0 comments

this'll be short and sweet, i promise.

i'm floating on cloud nine... everything seems to be going so well. midterms (for now) are over, i'm writing a lot more, my friends seem to be in good spirits, and i'm... well, i'm more than happy. this weekend marked a lot of firsts, and let's just say that i'm still trying to get over the initial shock of it all. i hope everything turns out well. i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that it does -- i've never been in anything like this before.

as for writing, my journal is getting full and i'm helping sam with some facts he needed to write this story. check out what he has so far, it's amazing.

i told you this was gonna be short.

posted by Open Source Food @ 5:28 PM 0 comments