can you spell that for me?
maybe it's the mean person in me, or maybe it's the grammarian, but when i saw a message to me that read "i hope your day get's better" i wanted to write back, i hope your spelling gets better!
me = horrible person.
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i think there should be more songs that spell things out. the alphabet doesn't count; you're not spelling a 26-letter nonsense word. the only song i can conceivably think of doing that would "method of love" (yes, it's hall and fucking oates). any other songs? didn't think so. at least, none that came off the top of my head.
americans, especially, i think need this kind of reinforcement. imagine the scores of third-graders who all of a sudden could spell "beautiful" thanks to
bruce almighty. now imagine all the high schoolers who would be able to retain spellings of SAT words (let alone regular vocabulary mishaps). the general consciousness would be smarter, and in effect, everyone prospers.
it'll be like we're in sesame street forever. and you know, after
avenue q, that's not sounding like a bad idea. i can be best friends with a muppet.
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i thought it was march, but then it hailed and it rained and the only clear day was sunday. god hates berkeley. too many democrats.
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for the first time this year, i picked flowers and placed them in my apartment. there's a different feeling when you walk in a room and you see things that are alive instead of wires and scandinavian furniture. it's something else to look at; it's inspirational. it's low maintenance.
and really, the queer eye guys would be proud. i recycled bottles for vases.
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i've come to realize that my family is invaluable. it took me a while to adjust to the fact that mom and dad weren't just mom and dad; they went through all the shit i did, too, and they actually do care. after the whole teenage rebellion thing, and definitely after trying to survive on your own, you gain a higher level of appreciation for these people who took the trouble to raise you and clothe you and feed you and give you an education. suddenly living at home doesn't sound so bad, and more often than not when you find you don't have anyone to call, mom's always on the other line.
my parents were up this weekend and it was a great feeling to spend time with them, to just tell stories and eat and look at pictures. it felt good to laugh at grandma's jokes, to feel embarrassed by mom's old stories. it was enlightening to know more about my stepdad and to joke around with my aunt. and to see my cousin whom i hadn't seen in eight years, that was a blessing.
i'm glad i'm part of a big family. those reunions when things are a little bit awkward are actually some of my favorite moments, because then i realize that in this convergence of people, these hundreds of bodies, that the same blood is coursing in our veins.
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i was watching the food network the other day, and paula deen was making her version of english food: shepherd's pie and stuffed potatoes, but the most amazing thing she made was this banoffee pie that was a graham cracker crust, homemade toffee, bananas, cream custard, and more bananas.
the most precious thing was when she tasted her creation. she made the most satisfied sound, put her hand to her head, and just looked at the camera dead on and started nodding.
yeah, words really can't express the look on that lady's face.
pause
ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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recently this talk of movement has been springing from so many mouths. not in the physical, literal sense, mind you; more of the visceral, emotional, forward-thinking kind that makes you want to cry sometimes because seeing into the future should never be something you're subject to.
movement is scary, but when it hits you, when you can't do nothing but move, you feel so relieved. you're all smiles.
i'm scared to be all smiles.
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if you think it's cold there, i think it's colder here without you.
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walking home from work today i noticed the rain falling slowly onto the sidewalk, giving the air that musty scent of gravel and loam wasping as humid pressure tends to do. then the drops turned into a small misting of the air, then the drops grew bigger and bigger until oxford street was once again a river. i began walking faster towards my house, which went from inching along to briskly walking. my umbrella was laying forgotten on my kitchen floor.
i saw this girl in an adorable green peacoat walking along, relishing the moment, doing the exact opposite. she slowed down, ground to a halt, and looked up. she let out an irresistable chuckle, then a laugh, as if she had just remembered her entire childhood all over again.
i passed her, and she looked at me, and i smiled out of politeness. she smiled and said to me, "missing people is normal."
and i stood there for a few seconds with her, absorbing the now ungodly-large drops of water pouring from the sky, thinking about what this stranger had just said to me. cockeyed, i stared at her, wondering how on earth she could have peered into my brain and picked out the one thing that had been nagging me the entire day.
"thanks," i managed to squeak out, "i know."
and she smiled and nodded, and looked up again, and i kept walking home. but i walked a little slower, letting the rain drip down my glasses, feeling the squish-sqash of the water in my shoes, and deliberately not wiping the water collecting on my cheeks.
i smiled, and thought of that girl in green having the best day of her life.
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i hang out with beautiful people with hopes that someday it'll rub off on me.
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this limbo feels so unsure but so secure. i want it to end.
the canada of california
otherwise known as oregon.
let's go through this in bullet points:
-AiR heads up to oregon for icca quarterfinals. how, you ask?
- 15-seater van. i had to back up about thirty feet to get the entire thing on my camera.
- drama in the first fifteen minutes? seriously?
- SPRING BREAK! we hit the 5.
- after a pretty much uneventful ride, we pass through shasta and see the most beautiful sunset:
- only of course, to discover, an even more wonderful sign:
- give or take a few hours and we were in oregonia. a few stops in ashland and medford, and we were three hours away from eugene.
- more drama. but soon it's all business, and we're all fast asleep.
- the next day. a bunch of us decide to explore the university of oregon campus proper, so we bring the cameras and our lovely selves to the student union, the cemetery, and of course, the bookstore.
- we suit up and get ready for our biggest performance yet: a crowd of over 800 people, all of whom paid at least $15 to watch us.
- we hold our breath. we kick ass. we're second place. we're going to stanfurd.
- wait a sec. PARTY TIME!
- and after a few rounds of drink and gina wrestling rafi (and winning!), we headed back to our humble hotel and slept.
- a mere few hours later, we were gearing up to go back to california.
- about a few minutes away from mt. shasta, in a little podunk town called yreka, we receive a phone call from poursh, saying that the 5 had been closed due to a snowstorm. we check around, and according to some weather reports, the surrounding areas of weed were going to receive anywhere from eight to eighteen inches of snow. shasta would, by next morning, gain three feet of snow.
- we effectively realize that the three bay area a cappella groups who competed: AiR, noteworthy, and the stanford harmonics, are all in yreka, stuck.
- so, stranded in yreka, we decide to hop into the local walmart to buy tire chains and relieve some tension. highlights incude jooho in a darth vader mask, singing the mcdonald's "i'm lovin' it" tune in minor keys, finding musical unicorn pony sticks, and failed attempts at getting some rest.
- six o'clock. we decide to call the chp and other sources (read: parents) to determine our fate. by this time, noteworthy's with us, all for one and all that junk.
- the 5 northbound opens. we decide to find a hotel room to stay in, with the only other option being driving down a freakish road that, according to a local, "will kill you if you don't have four wheel drive." our two cars are the 15-seater van (now aptly named "eugene") and the noteworthy 7-seater soccer mom van.
- we decide to stay, and have dinner up in medford after securing three rooms in an ashland hotel.
- we are freaking stranded. so what do we do? we play the hat game.
- after a round of the hat game and three subsequent rounds of mafia (those noteworthy boys are CRAZY!), i finally decide to take a quick nap. by this time it's 2.30, and we have all decided to leave ashland by 6. some noteworthy members decide to stay up all night.
- a bunch of people get up at 6, only to realize that the roads still aren't open. overnight, the 5 had been closed all the way up to ashland to prevent overcrowding in yreka. (who knew?)
- the roads finally opened up at around 7.30, so AiR decides to leave oregon "for good this time!"
- a few detours and a few runs on the 5, we make it back to berkeley at around 5.30 in the afternoon. we were supposed to have gotten in on sunday afternoon, not monday dusk.
- all in all, it was a great trip. not so much drama, just enough. and as always, in the end, we're all so happy because everything's beautiful.
one picture really sums the entire trip up, for me at least:
you guys, i wanna go back to the party.
falling in and out
the other day, one of my really good friends told me somethng quite profound: "isn't it weird that sometimes, you can be with people for so long but you don't really click? i've known you for six months and i feel closer to you than i do with this girl i've known for like, three years."
the situation presents itself as such: face an awkward jury of peers because of something passive-aggressive, or seek out friends? new people with clean slates, or old friends who judge?
to the handful of true friends who are still around, i'd love to see you sometime.
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the rain is a beautiful thing. it always feels so clean and refreshing after a night of downpour. it paints the roads and gives them a nice gloss, a certain sheen that adds up when you consider the ambience of a wet evening.
i feel solace in the rain. and it makes me want some
cassoulet toulousain.
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i don't like explaining myself, i've realized. you know why? i don't have to.
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jacob: "dude, if you had a vagina, i'd have so tagged that so many moons ago."
thanks, jake. way to make me feel better.
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oregon ought to be a blast. i'll be back sunday.
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my heart yearns. damn this love thing.
