migblog

a special shout-out to mr. nate zablan. i feel ya, man. i mean, that's why i went to cal -- it's a lot close to san francisco and it's amazing in its own right. and it's nice to escape the extremist (almost fundamentalist!) conservativity in old orange county.

i'm still confused as to what the f*ck is going on. it's crazy, it is, and there's nothing i can do about anything. at all.

there's a halloween party at my house this friday, so there's a good thing...

and my auditions for the china trip went surprisingly smooth... bob and i got to talking, and i might just be going to china. if not, at least i can try out to be in wind ensemble section. thanks a lot to tiffany bock for letting me borrow her oboe. (it's nice. it's a loree. mmmm. it's wood.)

here's crossing my fingers and hoping i get to go to china!

posted by Open Source Food @ 8:54 PM 0 comments

this is so motherf*cking frustrating! (say the swear word as fast as you can. if you don't know how, ask steve lee.)

isn't it nice how you spend about 18 goddamned hours on a bus (which broke down!) to oregonia to play at oregon state university, then lose the game the very next day, spend 14 more hours on the bus ride home, and find an email that confuses the f*ck out of you even more? somebody get a gun and shoot me. in the ear. please. now.

and did i forget to mention that i forgot my pillow in that godforsaken place of a motel room in oregonia? yeah. this weekend sure was fun, but not as fun as i expected it to be. i'm annoyed. plus i can't feel my ass from all that sitting down i did on that bus.

there were a few good things that marked the event, though. i got to see an extremely beautiful place (corvallis really is beautiful; the problem is that there's nothing else there except for the university), the indian food at evergreen restaurant in corvallis was amazing (the mango lassi was good, and the tandoori shrimp was excellent), there was a nice cbk of a few petty things (pat is amazing), the restaurant heaven on earth was really heaven on earth (the huge cinnamon rolls and the applebutter and oh man, everything was delicious), and jake started to teach me about programming. yay. soon i will learn recursion and then i'm on my first step to becoming a cogsci double major. eesh.

now there's math homework to do and an english paper to start bs-ing. and i need to stand up, i still can't feel my ass.

oregonia... it's a one-time-only type of thing.

hopefully this frustration clears out. i hate being stressed out.

posted by Open Source Food @ 9:38 PM 0 comments

so my laptop decided to fry itself on me last saturday, and i haven't been online for the past three days. it's kinda annoying having ot go to the libraries and check mail there. it's eerily quiet. plus, the whole no computer thing is messing up with my paper-writing abilities.

so i'm back, and it's better (thanks jake for the xp and everything, i owe you like, my entire sex life) and i'm online. yay.

i'm all done with midterms, thank goodyness. now i have the time to call people like i've been meaning to and talk about important stuff. i'm less frustrated (midterms are over, i have my computer back to functioning status), and i'm gonna be going to oregon state university this weekend (hooray for fourteen-hour bus rides!) so everything's kinda normalizing. kinda. my current situation with some people still isn't good. or existent, at all.

so yeah, i'm still trying to work on getting my computer back to full health, per se, but right now i'm working on what is to be the first page of my six-page paper in english.

speaking of computing, i'm thinking about a possible double major in these fields (besides spanish/portuguese):

cognitive science
architecture

i mean, there's always music (see sidebar), but the more i think about it, the less feasible it seems.

i love having a computer again.

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:35 AM 0 comments

i am in a horrible, horrible funk... both in writing and the rest of my life. midterms, rehearsals, homework, the list goes on on what is eating up my time. there hasn't been any to call anyone, to say sorry, to stop and enjoy the sound of the creek running as i stand on the bridge. my current situation with a few people isn't the healthiest thing.

so if you're wondering where all the new stuff is, it's not going to show up for a few because i will be taking a break from all this until the hectic schedule dies off (which would hopefully be sometime after my midterm and before i go to oregonia). i'm really sorry for not having replied to any of you, but i'm just in a crazy situation right now. i'm frustrated, and i don't know what to do.

let's hope that next week will be better than this. i need that change.

posted by Open Source Food @ 10:03 PM 0 comments

new development in the whole dave matthews band street team campaign thing! i might actually get promotional stuff for the folsom field cd/dvd/vhs that comes out in november 5. i mean, i already have preorders for it, just let me know if you want one, an then we can enjoy some kick-ass dmb-ness. according to the blurb, the folsom field concert is heavy on stuff from everyday and a lot of the lillywhite sessions -- although of course they called it busted stuff -- and it was recorded 7/11/01. it should be good, and i can't wait to find out.

the room 8 list of things that suck needs to add another page. there's not enough room for more sucky things.

midterm status: 2 down, 1 to go. it's for education, and i'm more than a little behind on my reading. it's not until the 22nd, so that's okay.

we got susan hooked into animal crossing, so it's all fun. it's so awesome, that game. it really does make you addicted.

on a completely different note, here's something to ponder over as you sip your iced coffee:

nihilistic

i don't think poems are very
productive.
writing one would be extremely
stupid
and a complete waste of my time.
funny
how people never understand things.

poems are so
inane.
i don't think i'm ever going to write one.
metrical
or not, they're just utterly
pointless.
poems are for people who don't know how to communicate.
abstract
thinkers, they call them.

i just think they're
crazy.

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:41 PM 0 comments

you know, i love road trips. going to u-dub and playing with the u-dub husky marching band was so much fun, those guys up in seattle are all friggin' awesome. to the husky marching band: i love you guys because you know the definition of sportsmanship, friendship, and just plain old having fun. like your director said, it's great to have true friends. you guys are awesome, thanks for making the road trip such an experience -- especially for a cal band newman!

add barf bags to the list of random things that i collect. after, of course, the state quarters, pins, poopsheets, dave matthews band concerts, and quotes.

the next week will be some fun downtime. monday's showing up with a take-home math midterm and a five-page revision of an english paper, as well as rehearsal for sega (yeah, the videogame company) because we might be recording with them. either way, i'll get a free videogame, hehehe. it pays off showing up to all those shb's. and this friday... man, this friday will rock my socks off. (yeah rampant syphilis bus!!!)

brian says: Animal Crossing. If you have a Gamecube, and not this game, why don't you have this game??

i second that!

it's amazing how five-and-a-half weeks go by so fast -- the seniors in high school are all applying to colleges for nextfall, the freshmen in college are excited about spring semester, all the upperclassmen in college are getting older... it's surreal. hell, even today was surreal. this morning i was eating a waffle in a hotel next to the university of washington in seattle, this afternoon i was on a bus from oakland airport singing pregame, and now i'm blogging in my dorm room at cal. that, my friends, is insane.

it's also pretty great when the fact that the cal football team's win over u-dub (and therefore effectively ending the 19-year losing streak cal had against u dub) is an afterthought. we won (34-27), and my goodness, that was an amazing game. they had seated us on the track, right next to the football field. it made the game that much more fun to watch.

and today, the headline from the seattle times read: "California and bust. This was not a fluke: the better team won".

and that is why i love u-dub. it's like, uc-seattle or something. they're great. they know how to play and they know how to have fun, let alone treat their guests very nicely.

to u-dub and the husky marching band:
you guys are the best. i have never had so much fun playing outside of another group and having a blast with one so enjoyable as yours. washington and california, it's like peanut butter and jelly: you can't go wrong with one or the other, and when you have them together, it's oh-so-good.

posted by Open Source Food @ 8:47 PM 0 comments

last, and most exceptionally not least, the final piece of the puzzle is a working definition of a response to materialism. everyone seems to be so high-and-mighty with their stubborn worldly dogmas that i just couldn't stand anymore. goddamn. opinionated, narrowminded, fundamentalist people sicken me. especially if they're hypocritical. the worst. not to say that i'm anti-materialistic, just that i wouldn't be so quick to tell anyone to tell me what being happy really is.

happiness

i am a successful person.
i am rich and powerful, high and mighty, strong and invincible.
i have only experienced the real world in indirect media like the radio and the internet.
i have not smelled any flowers
i have not tasted authentic mexican food from the restaurant down the street.
i own my own website that generates billions of hits per day.
i have not felt grass between my toes.
i have not heard the gentle rustle of leaves in the fall.
i have not seen a thing outside.

am i happy?

maybe.

i have fallen in love.

tell me now:
i am happy.

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:29 AM 0 comments

this next one is about being at the opposite end of someone who deems you to be extremely honest and trustworthy, as if probity had been in every cavity of their body. it's one of those "i don't deserve it" poems -- written both out of experience and sentimentality. i felt alienated enough to tell people to not trust me even though i trusted them with my entire life. i am so very afraid of people just up and leaving without as much as a moment's notice, and that may explain why i tend to not get too attached to people. if you're reading this and wondering, rest assured, i'm re-evaluating myself as we speak.

trust

how have you come to trust me so easily?
what did i do to deserve this trust?
absolutely nothing.
thanks for trusting me with your deep dark secrets
and your tall tales
and your melancholy melodrama
because i know you trust me.

why do you trust me?
i don’t even trust myself, you know.
i am so insecure.
i am ashamed of myself for letting you trust me.

i need to re-evaluate things
because right now
we’re throwing trust around like a frisbee
catch it here
throw it there
and i end up dropping it
and losing all the points i was trying to make.

don’t trust me.

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:25 AM 0 comments

hey everybody... like i said, i'm in the midst of midterms and all this crazy stuff going on. i'm going to be at the university of washington (otherwise known as u dub for obvious reasons) for an away game this weekend, so i wanted to leave you guys with the last three installments of abstractia 1.

this first one was written during a fatalistic phase of mine. it's what i end ot think of a lot when silence gets the better of me. it usually does. and when it does, i scare a lot of people with my morbid death talks and my dark wonderings about "if i had died". coping with this, here's the product.

death

life ends so abruptly, as is often the case
it’s glamorized by the sex and the drugs and the parties
until we end up on our own death beds
cursing and regretting every bit we did and haven’t done.
some people are not so lucky.
“untimely” and “accident” do not make up the person’s life
though it may be the only thing remembered.
some people do it themselves
because they feel that they can do it
and not realize their profound impact on people around them.
some accept it so.
some cannot and cling to all that is materialistic and earthbound.
some believe in souls and heaven
some know they’re going straight to hell.

the only thing i know for sure
is that i will die
i don’t know how, i don’t know when, i don’t know why
i don’t want to know
but it is for certain
i will die.
that is the only thing i know.

posted by Open Source Food @ 12:21 AM 0 comments

who finds the time, i swear... in the midst of midterms and all this mad studying and band and dancing for next week's show (yes, you read that right, i'm DANCING) and going on another roadtrip as a newman, i can post on this blog and be happy to say that i am really glad that i got to post a lot of my stuff. i need this outlet sometimes. it's... i dunno, refreshing.

next installment's up. pretty self-explanatory, i think. enjoy.

silence

sometimes i wish i could just choke it
and the tension will be all over when i do
more often though i feel it necessary
to say nothing at all: just look at you
and everyone as we converse in our own little worlds
of gestures and professions of faith and love
and justice and what is right and holier than thou
and we realize that we have silence
stronger than actions and louder than words
no need to speak, all the reason to feel
it never wants to end, it seems
it makes us think of things we never have before
makes us see the things we took for granted before
makes us cry and laugh and frighten our own selves as before
such power has silence
as i wonder if you’re thinking the same thing i am
and we spontaneously and coincidentally do the same thing
we thank the silence that transpired.

posted by Open Source Food @ 11:19 PM 0 comments