migblog

pause

ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

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recently this talk of movement has been springing from so many mouths. not in the physical, literal sense, mind you; more of the visceral, emotional, forward-thinking kind that makes you want to cry sometimes because seeing into the future should never be something you're subject to.

movement is scary, but when it hits you, when you can't do nothing but move, you feel so relieved. you're all smiles.

i'm scared to be all smiles.

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if you think it's cold there, i think it's colder here without you.

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walking home from work today i noticed the rain falling slowly onto the sidewalk, giving the air that musty scent of gravel and loam wasping as humid pressure tends to do. then the drops turned into a small misting of the air, then the drops grew bigger and bigger until oxford street was once again a river. i began walking faster towards my house, which went from inching along to briskly walking. my umbrella was laying forgotten on my kitchen floor.

i saw this girl in an adorable green peacoat walking along, relishing the moment, doing the exact opposite. she slowed down, ground to a halt, and looked up. she let out an irresistable chuckle, then a laugh, as if she had just remembered her entire childhood all over again.

i passed her, and she looked at me, and i smiled out of politeness. she smiled and said to me, "missing people is normal."

and i stood there for a few seconds with her, absorbing the now ungodly-large drops of water pouring from the sky, thinking about what this stranger had just said to me. cockeyed, i stared at her, wondering how on earth she could have peered into my brain and picked out the one thing that had been nagging me the entire day.

"thanks," i managed to squeak out, "i know."

and she smiled and nodded, and looked up again, and i kept walking home. but i walked a little slower, letting the rain drip down my glasses, feeling the squish-sqash of the water in my shoes, and deliberately not wiping the water collecting on my cheeks.

i smiled, and thought of that girl in green having the best day of her life.

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i hang out with beautiful people with hopes that someday it'll rub off on me.

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this limbo feels so unsure but so secure. i want it to end.

posted by Open Source Food @ 10:46 PM