migblog

it's kind of nice, and then kind of not nice, to not be with your family during thanksgiving weekend.

i simply realized this morning that i wouldn't be doing the usual day-after-thanksgiving festivities with my relatives, eating the leftover turkey or shopping at some store where everything's going for a ridiculous sale price or not wanting to get up since yet another dog show is on the air.

i also realized that during major holidays like this one, no one's out on the streets. i could literally walk down the busiest intersection of the city and not have to be worried about getting struck by a car or getting flagged down by a cop, because everyone's at their respective homes, stuffing themselves with mashed potatoes and stuffing and passing out thanks to a tryptophan coma.

there was a point in the day, during lunch, where i kind of depressed the people around me when i told them about the further dysfunctions of the family, because i hate the fact that my brother hates my dad and my brother hates my dad's side of the family and that i feel used because they're all using me as pawns to get themselves further in the game. i hate the fact that i don't know my father's re-established family all that well, nor do i care much for the re-established family that my mother has.

and i hate that, since this is supposed to be the time when all those stupid family egregiousnesses aren't supposed to account for anything because that's simply it: you're family, you're supposed to care for each other no matter what, to love each other unconditionally, to have an unspoken bond despite all the differences we all may have. i'm slowly starting to feel some sort of nostalgia, day by day, growing more and more anxious as the countdown to christmas begins. (or, according to all those virgin mobile ads say, "christmahanukwanzaakah." in reality, though, mikey and i came up with that holiday in like tenth grade, only we never made it public. so now i'm partly pissed that virgin mobile sold our idea to the nation.)

an even sadder thing is i can't do much about how my relatives feel about each other -- everyone hates aunt rita, for example, but let's not get into that just yet -- so it's even more pathetic and helpless when i'm sitting here talking about my dad or my brother when my brother's in chicago, my mom's in anaheim, and my dad's in the philippines. (i don't even know my dad's phone number nor his address or anything like that. and it's sad, because i miss him a lot, but it's also sad since the last time i really ever wrote him back was junior year of high school, and i don't even remember what i said in that letter.)

albeit the depressing factor that i laid upon the friends i have (the family i have, to be more relevant) here, it's nice to be actually with them during thanksgiving, not really caring about a full turkey dinner or anything like that. we're making italian food, no joke, and we're going to have fun while we're doing it.

i've made a ton of phone calls, sent out a bunch of emails, and i still feel a little unfulfilled because my immediate family is partially nowhere in sight (if that makes any sense to anyone). but for now, i'm in a limbo of contentment, waiting until the next day comes so i can figure out what the fuck i'm doing for the rest of friday and saturday and sunday so that i'm not floundering around waiting for things to happen.

you all have a great, wonderful, marvelous, memorable, and most of all, happy thanksgiving.

posted by Open Source Food @ 3:45 PM