migblog

it's getting to the point where, in typical summer fashion, the weather and the times both aid in the destruction of my otherwise existent sleep cycle and my restlessness to do busy work overcomes the ample rest periods of watching reno 911 and sealab 2021 reruns and old-school 80's movies like batteries not included and short circuit. the past few days have marked not only the beginning of summer but also the growig anxiety that is my last year of undergraduate life.

i had fun these past few days. i recharged and finally fell into a comfortable sleeping pattern, after the ridiculous toll of virtually six days of non-stop finals. yes, ridiculous, but well worth the agony of having to endure fifteen weeks of "same shit, different day." i rediscovered the city of san francisco, and i reacquainted myself with doxylamine succinate, the wondrous bringer of sleep to those who need it. i partook in a quest for a bar that didn't card, a game that revealed true identities and true friendships, and an evening of two magnums of wine coupled with the numa numa dance and waking up the next morning not realizing i had slept over in westminster house.

there too was the object of the touted third episode of star wars, which, as anticipated, would be better than the first two movies but still carried the weight of the horrible acting that is hayden christiansen. as i've heard it quoted before, "it's probably going to suck, but you're still going to see it." and you know what? people did see it. and people probably liked it better than the first two anyway.

jon got back from argentina with plenty of stories to tell, like the supremely cheap restaurants and the stray dogs, as well as the street urchins who were so impressed by being given a dollar they wished they could go to america "so that when they begged for money, they could receive dollars." capitalism at its finest: the dollar as a symbol of prosperity, transcending bounds of when and where people ought to beg for a living.

but there have been many downs, as we discover, in this very thing we call relaxation. planning a free weekend is hard enough (i had expected my parents to be here this weekend) but, due to their cancelling plans last minute, i found myself with a sudden yet disappointing freedom over the memorial day weekend. what's a guy like me to do? what else, but buy the second season of chappelle's show on dvd and watch it, once through, then with commentary, then the special features, then those with commentary. this one was definitely a good buy. rick james, wayne brady, lil jon, the whole shebang -- there were very few moments that were unfunny or stilted, because this show is so awesomely written it's amazing.

the lulls in between don't get any better, either. it's that feeling of high anticipation and worried anxiety hat you feel whenever you're waiting for something to happen -- a phone call, a tv show, a letter in the mail -- and the extremes you feel when either success or failure dominate the situation. you can't help but feel even worse when you fail, but that's why you set yourself up for failure so that if you do succeed, it's unexpected and feels just that little bit better. (call it pessimistic or cynical, but if it works, then it's got a place somewhere, right?)

but it's not even june and i want to break free of the rut. i don't want to work for the man anymore. i want to just sing and not care. i want to just run away somewhere, i don't know, drive, and spend the day on the coast and watch the waters dance and the sun play along the golden sands. i want to go to the beach and smell the salty air, i want to go to a bonfire and feel the heat as the night air turns crisp and brisk. i want to watch the stars, i want to dance, i want to have a goddamned picnic because i never have time to plan a goddamned picnic and goddammit, i want to have a picnic.

i just want to have something like a summer, even though i haven't really been stuck in a rut yet. is that so much to ask for? is that so much to worry about? and is it really that big of a deal if i don't go home this summer and not see my family for a little bit? is it that big of a deal if i feel excluded from a california summer? and is it even better if i dont say anything because everyone else will have the benefit of the doubt?

doubts or not, i don't stand to make anything out of nothing. there's worrying, but i worry too much in the first place. i just want it all somewhat there, almost done and over with, ready to be looked over a few times but not too much because i'll just get tired of it.

i need to figure out what's going on, and then i'll have my answer. berkeley's a hell of a place to be in, kids, and it takes a certain kind of person to wrestle and grasp the concepts of self-actualization and integrity while you're left to read four readers and type up pages upon pages of mindless, derivative drivel.

speaking of mindless derivative drivel, have a good summer. keep in touch. (and then it was a seventh grade yearbook entry.)

bo bice should have won, but vonzell is still my american idol.

posted by Open Source Food @ 1:19 AM