migblog

"we're a blasphemous pot of dying culture"

the best moments come from those of whom you least expect.

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i've been in two empty houses this week, both of which now hold fantastic memories. in the first we ended up eating candy in the dark, talking about growing up in an empty kitchen, and sitting on the hardwood flooring of an empty room, all leading up to nine hours of hanging out. being in the presence of people charges you differently than being alone charges you: the energies are convergent at some point, but at the end of it all they're so fundamentally different but still manage to make you smile at the end of the day.

the second time was in the piedmont, adoring the bottom unit of this duplex. after a trip to ikea we hung out and drank a celebratory glass of wine, followed by even more shenanigans and chicanery when we brought more people along and realized that we were getting just a bit too old for the collegiate experience. as one of them said as we were walking down the street, "you guys, i want to be old. no more of this school business." the rest of us smiled and giggled out of politeness.

how i wish he knew how much we wanted to take back these four years and relive them over and over again.

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the rest of the class of 2006 is finally graduating, which in itself is pretty unnerving considering everyone is a bit too sentimental or on edge. and neither of those feelings are that spectacular when coupled with large gatherings of friends and people you were in class with.

though it is hard to be on the other side of things... everyone else has their moments of fun when they're planning get-togethers and picture parties and i'm stuck at work. it ain't fair, but when life gives you lemons, you throw them right back.

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things are getting better, i have a feeling. they have to.

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when it hits you that it's mere weeks until something is actually over, you start yearning. it's the classic adam-and-eve syndrome. for a while now i've wanted out so much from a lot of things: singing, band, berkeley. but now that i realize my friends are all moving on, that we're all growing up, and i can't be a part of the campus hubbub, i've wanted to do things so much more. i want to sing a lot more, i want to be with my first friends here, and i want to stay in berkeley for a little bit longer.

what a mindfuck.

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i really did have this horrible lucid dream where i was in a plaza with a bunch of my friends, all of us laughing and talking, when all of a sudden a car drives by and starts yelling at us. we ignore it, but the insults kept coming, so we decided to get up and leave. we stroll down the sidewalk, continuing in our ignorant revelry, and all of a sudden the same car drives by and starts shooting at us.

a bunch of us duck for cover, but i hear two shots and two thuds, falling on the ground, and i scamper to grab my glasses. one of my closest friends had been shot in the stomach, and he was dying. the other victim, my best friend from high school, was already dead.

i shot up from my bed and started crying. i felt cold and alone.

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i miss the feeling of holding someone in your arms and doing nothing with them.

posted by Open Source Food @ 11:59 AM