migblog

my midterm is in about fifteen hours. i have a calculus class immediately before that that i have feeling i will skip (and no, it's not good for me, since i haven't been to calculus for the past week and a half). there's a quiz tomorrow concerning integration and the substitution principle. i have laundry that needs to be done and will be done tomorrow night. i have financial aid worries, especially as a student of the university of california. my current schedule is forcing me to become a single major, instead of the double major i am planning on becoming. i am having financial issues, personal issues, academic issues, and god forbid, social issues, and they're lined up, waiting for me to tackle them.

my smoking has doubled this week. i shouldn't smoke anymore. but i do. and how can i not, with these extenuating circumstances?

tomorrow, after my midterm, i'm expecting to see in my unchecked mail the subject line i've been dreading to see all week, as well as the desire for me to get immediately inebriated. at least i'll be seeing jacob, and i have a weekend to look forward to, but after that, i have two weeks left of summer sessions and then the madness starts.

i am seriously reconsidering dropping one of my majors and getting out of this place one year early. i don't want to do it, but i would just feel unfulfilled if i did. i know i have potential that i can realize, but not if i let life get in the way. it just feels ridiculously counterintuitive to pursue then not follow-through; for me, it will have felt like an empty promise to myself. and i hate those.

funny how everything can pile up and fall apart all at the same time. of course, it's a lot less funny when you're the one having to deal with it all.

i haven't had a heart episode in a while. i'm calling for one tomorrow. if i'm wrong, it'll be over the weekend. i can feel the palpitations in the back of my chest.

i think i can get through this, but it'll be the most trying thing i've ever had to deal with in my entire life. i've never felt so overwhelmed and overworked, and there's really nothing that will make the workload lessen or the stress decrease or life to get better. not yet, at least; i haven't found any means of escape just yet. that's why i'm desperate for the fall to already come around, because once the fall starts, i can kick so much ass, and then there's football season to keep me busy. there's my friends, there's my family, but in the end, i'll have no one to fall back on except for myself. (yeah, i know what' you're thinking, but it's ok, i'm a pessimist. we've established this earlier before.)

right now, there is no lighter side of things. just a bunch of crap piled in my head waiting to be shoveled by the magical poopsmith that is time.

god, how i want to kiss somebody right now and forget everything.

(scroll down for more of today. it's sickening.)

posted by Open Source Food @ 9:11 PM