migblog

i'm quite the person to talk when it comes to reliability -- i rely on you a lot, but when it comes to you being able to rely on me, expect a little less. (sound selfish? i think so.) i haven't really expected much of anyone to rely on me anyway. i haven't given them any cause to. maybe i'm just one of those people who can easily come off as someone who uses others for gain. no doubt i've heard that before. but i do try, you know, to become this somewhat better person like i make myself out to be.

there was this running thing in high school where everyone thought i was the smart kid because i had a social life and good grades, something that the nerds couldn't balance and the jocks couldn't figure out. i was an inbetweener, an interloper of many social circles, the guy in every picture of every clique but was never too involved because if i did i'd find myself in too deep.

some of my friends started to test my abilities. they would say i would give bullshit answers to them because i can make it sound like i know exactly what i'm talking about. they called me on it all the time, but i tried to make them look less like fools when i'd give them the right answer, from "what is a trellis?" to "the krebs cycle in complete detail."

i've forgotten most of the questions, and along with them the answers, but it leads me to re-examine my high school life. i never got along with anybody except for a few people. even one of my considered best friends, i don't talk to anymore (ryan, if you're out there, i would love to talk to you again). i was never in with the honors crowd; i was too brown to be asian; i was too nerdy to be with the jocks; too social to be considered a full time band geek. i was in every club imaginable, even got my name placed wrong in a couple laureate awards. i heard from votes that i got like second place for 'best dressed' for senior superlatives. but that doesn't matter to me since high school was one of the worst times of my life.

i hated high school. everyone was trying to put up this wonderful front, trying to earn a nice enough gpa -- or if you weren't an honors student, just squeaking by so that the junior colleges wouldn't turn you down. it felt like dating: the first time, you put up this facade of who you want to be, and not who you are, and then you get exclusive and have to keep it up a while. some people snap before four years, but we get on happily by, keeping up the keep up charade until we're sick of each other and are on each other's throats when we graduate.

freshman year of college was the most freeing time of my life, not to mention my craziest and favorite.

the thing i got out of high school was that people that age don't yet know the difference between the real world and this bubble of high school, where proms and winter formals were magical and homecomings were exciting. in high school, everything felt like it should have been on a tv drama series, thrown in with a few scenes from punk'd, girls gone wild, a porno flick, dawson's creek, and buffy the vampire slayer. it would have been a marvelous draw of a tv show, with clueless administrative figures running around the campus while the honors kids would slack off one more day as the rest of the wonderfully disjointed campus dealt with drug abuse, teenage pregnancy, failing test scores, and budget cuts.

high school, i'm so glad i'm not in your bubble anymore. thanks for the embarrassment-tinged memories and the trying times. but most importantly, thanks for helping me grow up and realize that i am so much better than you.

no regrets. you just sucked.

posted by Open Source Food @ 5:48 PM