migblog

you know what's been pissing me off? the fact that so many people assume so many things about my life, that's what. here and there, i can't avoid the infamous "so you get drunk every weekend" question or the "so which drugs do you use" question. right, cos my life has spiraled out of control into this cycle of binge drinking and heroin uptake. i'm so smart, i got into berkeley and am throwing it away by failing out all my classes because i fucking drink too much.

no. stop right there and shut up. don't even think about it. you have no clue and no right to start spreading that shit about me. as much as i don't regret ever being with you, to me right now, you are the ugliest person, so selfish and histrionic that everything just has to come back to you. well, life's gonna tell you that it's not, so deal with it. you couldn't even handle it when your best friend got the position you wanted the most, and when she did, you whined until you stole all her thunder. she got to wear the white pants. you didn't, and you're still bitter about that. seems to me that you can't handle jealousy without being mature yourself, something you obviosluy showed when i "didn't have the time to call or send an email" -- could it have possibly been the fact that i didn't want to?

you can't even take a fucking joke. if you knew at all who shereen was, you'd know the context of the whole thing. but just like you, you thought it'd be safe to assume the worst, and blah blah blah i get an email saying "you should at least have told her she deserves that much all she really ever did was love you." shereen's laughing, i'm laughing, and you're crying because you're so fucking miserable. so what? i love shereen, and at least she appreciates that. you didn't, and i don't think you ever will. what next, you're gonna tell my mom and sleep over in my bed? wouldn't surprise me if you already did. "all she ever did was love you."

BULLSHIT.

you acted on your own selfish measures to get to me, breaking my best friend's heart and mine in the process, and then you pull all kinds of stunts so that people will want you to be the one who led them. i'd shut up if i were you, considering you do enough damage with your mouth closed. the more rumors you spread, the farther away i'm gonna be, and i frankly can care less about who you're bringing down. sad to say that my big little brother might be part of it all, but if that's what you have to do then that's what i'll have to do.

you're so engrossed in yourself and your social circle, you forgot who your family was. and i don't mean your biological family, but your friends closest to you that actually care about you. your roommate, for one. you don't realize how much you're hurting her. and how you have everyone else in your circle of friends thinking the same one-track thought that you probably concocted from assumptions, eagerly awaiting your next command. let them think for themselves, for once. shut up and listen. they deserve that much from a friend.

and i know from the rest of all this i won't be your favorite person ever, but seriously: did you really think i'd do anything like that when you knew that you were always there? now that i'm somewhere new, somewhere better, i just can't stop imagining what else you could have been thinking and propagating in your little bubble of a world. take this for what you will, and i'd understand if you never wanna see me ever again. just remember that things change, and things almost never go the way you want them to.

february sucks.

posted by Open Source Food @ 1:36 PM