migblog

time for a stream of consciousness to get posted. i love you all.

someone pray for me
i don't believe in god and i need a favor
why do i feel like this?
i'm such a selfish punk
i need the attention
when did it start, i don't know
something like when
all of my roommates decided
to all get lives of their own
because mine is so not important
i can't imagine what i'd do to myself
if they hadn't stopped me
why do they care so much?
i don't do anything for them
i'm such a selfish punk
i don't see things other people do
i'm a jealous loner
i have friends, but i don't have them
i feel so tired
i feel so lonely
i'm so alone
what's the favor that i need
i need to change so many things
all at once
and to be not branded a fool
a poseur
be the outcast that i really am
so i don't have to cry myself to sleep
every night
everything seemed to want to fall apart
and it did
and i couldn't do anything about it
i only take my glasses off to cry
and now it seems
life goes on
insignificant little me
trying to get by
it's too quiet
why did i say that last night?
"yeah you don't say that to people
and then not come back"
that was the point
"i'm going to go kill myself"
i feel so left out in so many things
worrying about shit i don't want to
keeping up so many appearances
what they have over me kills me
because i have nothing over them
but my life
and it scares me so much what i would do with it
i can throw it away as
easily as i can keep it
i wanted to get mugged
so i could taste the blood flowing through me
feel it when i get punched in the mouth
taste the salt and the red
mixing with the spit
gasping for air
punched in all god-knows-where
left to die
bleeding and broken, undone
smiling
no one worrying about me since i have
my away message on
feel rather than express
it's hard to do
have i ever felt this way?
i don't honestly remember
i am so depressed
i don't deserve any of this
i don't deserve much
why is it so hard?
why does it hurt so much?
helpless
i am so helpless

posted by Open Source Food @ 2:24 AM