migblog

hurts so good

parece que una de las cosas tan interesantes sobre tratar de sobrevivir en un medio ambiente como la universidad es que no puede evitar otras personas en suiciar su nombre. cualquier ventaje, cosa buena... no importa. es mas fácil ignorarlas que refutarlas; a mí no me importa porque en efectar la vida total, son insignificantes y no tienen nada más que hacer que parecerme o inutil o alguien que trata de aprovecharse a otros.

me aprecio de que tengo unos amigos quien son inteligentes y elegantes, y sé que si estoy actuando algo estúpido, me van a tirar por la cabeza y me dicen que estoy estando estúpido.

y la vida va y viene.

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fuck lung infections. and fuck coughing blood. that shit's not cool. NOT COOL.

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looking for a job around the city of berkeley is difficult. craigslist's is so limited, and so is the career center... it's so crazy!

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can't wait for franz ferdinand next week. new album on tuesday; san francisco concert on thursday. this ought to be the bestest times ever. (although i think this entails trying to find some mj before going into the concert... either that or bring the flask, i guess.)

that single is so addicting, but according to the rolling stone, the new album's pretty badass, too. i'm so excited. and even more excited that the prospect of getting to spend the day in the city with awesome people.

have you ever heard a song you just can't stop listening to? it's like that.

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it seems silly to think about now, but when it's all over, what happens?

after graduation, there's people's weddings to attend, and hanging out with people outside of the city of berkeley, and attending gallery openings and catching up with high school friends and trying to survive on a paycheck by paycheck basis.

it gets exponentially scarier, and it gets more and more fantastic. getting recruited by the cia was cool, but is it worth it?

never ever though i'd ask myself that question, but you know, love your country and all that bullshit. if you love it so much why don't you marry it? well, if the united states were male, i can't.

there in lies the rub. i'm so disillusioned with everything that's happened, from 9/11 to madrid to london, to hurricane katrina and the tsunami. but what bothers me more is the response, the shit that's happened, and the way society's missing the big issue. yes, i understand that we have to talk about intelligent design and we have to talk about gay marriage and abortion, but do we have the resources to do so when the war's still killing kids younger than i am? do we have the resources to do so when you're worrying about gas prices skyrocketing because of fuel shortages? do you have resources when your president has to fucking pull himself out of vacation just to "help" the hurricane victims?

i'm just very frustrated. i'm proud to be an american, no doubt, but when the country acts like apeshit and the most competent people in the room aren't even americans, something's wrong. anderson cooper made a good point about this not looking like america. and kanye west, too. he said what everyone else was thinking.

to put it all in scope, in ten years, in fifteen years, will what i did matter? will playing in a band and getting up ass early every saturday morning count for world change? will my singing at sather gate end world hunger, relieve poverty, and cure aids? no. but i can sure damn try.

in ten years, in fifteen years, will the friends i've made be there for me?

call it insecurity, call it what you will; a lot of things have happened that have made me seriously doubt everything that's going on. but i guess i have a knack for avoiding the inevitable; like stephanie said, i have this "gift" that i don't care about what anyone else thinks because i just don't give a shit.

and i don't, which is fantastically liberating, but when i start thinking about shit, it starts to get me. and it hurts, and it boggles my mind, because i know i don't deserve half the good things that have happened.

and you know why? cos i am the biggest dick you will ever get to know.

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you realize what hold others have on you when you start to give in, when you think so desperately of what so-and-so is going to think of you if you do such-and-such, or if they'll start judging you when they find out you listen to so-and-so or watch such-and-such.

this is why i don't care.

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i am so very lucky to know beautiful people, both superficially and on the inside. y'all know who you are. and if you're second-guessing yourself, then consider yourself part of the beautiful crowd.

you guys are awesome.

posted by Open Source Food @ 9:29 PM