migblog

god, i'm tired.

i've spent the past two days spending each and every minute outside of class doing one of three things: the hardboiled issue that i did all the layout for, coming out on monday (if you want the .pdf file, ask me and i can probably deliver -- do note that it's twenty-four megs and it's amazing), working on class material, such as papers, homework, and mundane repetitive rote learning mechanisms employed by my professors and graduate student instructors, or i'm off in another world doing band things, whether or not they're ridiculously important at the time.

notice how that partitions no time for neither myself nor for other people.

i kinda really miss the everyday stuff, the three square meals, the not-having-to-worry-about-the-little-things, being with a few people. it's been a hellish two weeks, and i've slept no more than six hours total for the past few days. counting it up, it's about fifteen for the week so far, and the football game against u$c is tomorrow.

the agenda goes something like get there on the field at seven thirty in the morning, which entails getting up at around six or so, and then rehearsing for about an hour or two depending on what needs to get worked, and then "downtime" (i'm assuming the person whoever called it that was either very depressed or was on the way to being depressed) for an hour, take the sproul picture, march up, play the game, finish the game, break-off and play for the frats and a few establishments, finish sending my paper to wherever it needs to get sent, and all this brouhaha.

i am not going to get much sleep tonight, folks. that paper needs to get finished, and it's going to be the fourth time this week that i will have been up past four in the morning.

it's kinda crazy when dawn starts happening. i woke up once and it was only five, and i couldn't get myself to fall back to sleep, so i watched the sun rise through my window.

then my eyes really hurt for staring at the sun. that's why you never ever do that, because the sun hitting your eyes is a very very very bad tihng.

i wanted to see a few movies out today. but no. i got owned.

i wanted to see a few people today whom i don't regularly get to see anymore. but no. i got owned.

i ftp-ed the file to the publisher today, which i guess makes up for it. but until the tangible paper copies of the magazine come out on monday, i'll be just a bit snappy, unnerved, and frazzled. this weekend isn't a weekend; it's the start of another cycle of madness that everyone's lulled into and can't seem to get out of, now that they're in it for some semblance of the long run.

my feet hurt, my knees ache. i feel like a broken toy.

and kudos to the women's volleyball team for kicking ass. that was an awesome win over u-dub, and i'm glad we were there for it. they seemed to really appreciate our supporting them during the game. i know for sure one of the girls really liked our rendition of "fat bottomed girls" since she was singing and pointing to the other team while we jammed on.

i hope i get to relax sometime soon, just take it all in and let it wash over me instead of letting it all flood over and drown me. i need a smoke (i know i shouldn't, but fuck you anyway for judging me right then), or i need to get high, or i need to get drunk with someone else and just let go because nothing's let up.

i am so tired, but i can't go to sleep.

so tired...

posted by Open Source Food @ 10:20 PM