migblog

i'm the butt of life's joke.

since the non-sleep, i've felt ridiculously tired. but i decided against sleep and instead saw 'chicago' with shereen, hiro and liz. it was good, for three dollars. and i got to see shereen again, which was really nice, for not having seen her for a long time. i got back to the apartment and crashed.

about ten hours later i woke up, still feeling tired, still feeling pukey. (i don't know what it is, maybe some type of flu thing, maybe it's just my system trying to get rid of all the funk and grossness from two nights before.) then we had phonez-bones bonding, one of the greatest things we've ever organized. i won't forget the image of renie reading 'best women's erotica' with a giant centerfold in the back, nor kaeli readily (and masterfully!) grabbing rian's crotch, nor daniel and wolfman dancing together. it was a good night. and i got back to the apartment and crashed.

i woke up the next afternoon really pukey. i met up with my brother, which was cool -- you'd think, for someone who's family, i'd see him more often than most of my friends. but no. it was cool. and i got back to the apartment and crashed.

monday morning happened, and as i was prepping myself mentally to go to school at eight in the morning, i realized that my stomach felt like it was at my throat, just one step out of the vomiting circle. every time i took another step, i was afraid all the contents of my throat-stomach would burst forth. so i decided to not go, and instead, wait it out until class happened again at one. but then, one o'clock came around, and i still felt like shit, so i got back to the apartment and crashed.

and after having an awesome time with becca, rian, sam, and a good rest of the band at the giants v padres game, i got back to the apartment, saw that a voicemail was left for me on my phone, called my brother, and found out that my grandmother has cancer.

shock, utter disbelief. yup. it was cancer of the thyroid, he said, and it had already spread to her lungs. i called my brother back immediately.

"how long do they give her?"

"i dunno."

"when'd they find out?"

"i dunno."

"are you going back anytime soon?"

"tuesday afternoon."

silence.

"i'll see you when you get back, then."

"all right."

in the midst of it all, i could handle the pukey feeling, i could handle the overwhelming courseload, i could handle the essay that was due while i was nigh-vomiting, i could handle the hookah and the pot and the alcohol on thursday night, i could handle the giant hotdog and the garlic fries from the ballpark and i didn't upchuck thank you very much, i could handle the financial crap that's going on, and i could most definitely handle the last month when everything went awry for a few days. but i couldn't handle hearing from a third party, for the second time now, that someone near and dear to me is dying.

i don't know, maybe it's just me being overreactive and this whole thing's acting synergistically with the rest of the shit going on. simple as that. i don't know.

and tonight, i hope to get back to the apartment and crash. and maybe burn a little, too.

posted by Open Source Food @ 9:28 AM