migblog

today's taboo topic: religion. again. now that the matrix reloaded is out, and with all the references to biblical figures and sacrificial archetypes, i couldn't help thinking about some things that have happened that make me believe in no one religion.

i remember (albeit not distinctly) when i fell out with the church. i was around fourteen, unsure of what was going to happen to me in high school. nights before i used to pray and converse with god. my faith had waned, up until religion felt more like a burden to my psyche rather than an augmentation to my spirit. i didn't celebrate my religion, i mourned it. i guess it's characteristic of a religion that immediately turns its followers into sinners trying to redeem themselves, starting out with an imperfection that is assumed.

then i remember there was this scandal on putting up the ten commandments in schools and stuff. first, i thought, this was a direct violation of the doctrine of separating church and state; second, i thought this was imposing on the free will of other worshippers of other religions; third, citizenship in school works differently than in normal society and therefore irrelevant to the cause; and fourthly, the first four commandments have nothing to do with being a good citizen, talking strictly about the worship of but one supreme being and the boundaries of the usage of his name, his appearance, and other wishy-washy stuff dependent on the christian individual.

when prompted, my roommate brian's response was to say "i'm atheist." i screamed and applauded in approval. and then, the barrage of comments came: someone said that they have never been unsure of herself until she found god; another person said that it's a great experience. brian said "i never really looked into it much." maybe it didn't appeal to him, whatever. but someone said "maybe you should." and i winced, and continued what i was doing. i thought people here at berkeley would be better than that, but i guess some things just don't change.

now i'm not gonna get mad and stereotype all of you god-followers; some of you are my closest friends, and some of you are family. but it's this mentality of intolerance that some of your folks have that bothers me so much, that you're right and i'm wrong, and that i, no matter how deeply rooted in my convictions i might be, will always be somewhat living a life of lesser quality than yours since i don't have god with me.

frankly, ladies and gentlemen, i do not care nor even want god in my life. shocker. gasp. wow. yes, i just said that out loud.

and this seeming equity of uncertainty and atheism surely did not help the cause in any way. unsure of life... does that mean you didn't know how to do things until you found god? if so, then good for you for finding him. let that be your positive experience, share it with the rest of the world. but don't try to make me feel bad just because i'm a bit stronger (or more stubborn, however you want to look at it) that i don't need god in my life to do things the way i want to do things. finding myself might eventually mean requiring god's help -- and with that, of course, his existence -- but for now, it's just not entirely feasible in my head.

i remember one of my friends telling me that they saw a sign in the middle of america that said "thou shalt not lie" quoting god. now, if i remember correctly, the ninth commandment expressly states that "thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor" -- something totally different than lying. hell, god lied to abraham about killing isaac, and to adam and eve about the apple. sure, lying's bad, but do you really want to tell your best friend that she's not fat when she's morbidly obese, or that your cousin only has a cold when in fact it's some form of lung cancer nobody understands?

there was a lecture held here on campus about the existence of god led by dr. william lane craig, apparently a very famous theologian. he argues that god's existence did not depend on time, that coincidences we take for granted are coincidences that would fail at the most marginal error factor, and that faith is necessary for human existence. i enjoyed his lecture very much; it wasn't imposing, it was informational and as objective as he could possibly be. given that, i still don't believe in one supreme being. time, causality, impetus, it's all in my head, but it doesn't quite fit.

i can't really verbalize that missing piece -- maybe i just lack faith -- bit whatever it is, it's the one thing missing from me becoming the full devout christian i used to be.

and onto happier things: noli and i have found housing about two blocks away from campus! we'll be livin' it up next to the first presbyterian church, so i guess that relates somehow to the religion talk i was yapping about. we'll let you know about the first party cos it'll be good. i promise stripping and badmouthing. oh yeah.

posted by Open Source Food @ 10:53 PM