migblog

i think i'm going through some sort of withdrawal by not getting the daily cal crossword everyday and kicking its ass.

i am so ready for school to be over, i don't know what it is -- actually, i do.

even though i have an amazing group of friends and had just been introduced to myriad personalities, despite a relationship that's going great, and in spite of the fact that everything seemed to be going okay, i'm suffering from clinical depression.

(GASP! NO WAY! ARE YOU SERIOUS?)

you might as well get it out of your systems now.

i realized it when someone told me. but then everything made sense, when i realized that i was putting this burden on myself, of trying to fill this void that i knew for sure nobody could. ever since liam's death last year, it's been a constant struggle to find out what the hell's going on, and i've responded by acting as if nothing's wrong, when underneath the surface nothing's even the least bit organized.

consequences say, if worst comes to worst, i'll be on academic probation and medication for at least the next semester. (don't be too surprised. i wasn't even motivated to go to two of my classes this semester.)

i'm a mess inside my head, since obviously this is news to me, but when everything congeals i'm going to try and enjoy this shit out of being in other people's company.

it explains a little bit of what's going on. but at least i know what's wrong -- both with my head and in my environment -- so now, i'm starting to cope.

what a time to hit this, too. right before finals, how opportune.

who knew, right?

so if you see me around, i might still be freaked out a bit by this bit of news, but don't worry -- i'll still try to give you all those smiles and the laughter you've come to expect every time i'm around. despite the circumstances, i still really do like to see you all smile.

i'll cope. just help me out when i need you.

posted by Open Source Food @ 11:54 AM